ABANDONED.. and FOUND
i sometimes feel that i've become ABANDONED from every human affection. That i've lost the sense of compassion , even sometimes forget the beating of my own heart. so i'm trying to REVIVE it with some quotes that may influence your life and change it with the slightest gestures for ever.. i know it'll change mine.
"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."
Friedrich Nietzsche
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“Life is either a Daring Adventure or Nothing! To keep our Faces toward Change and behave like Free Spirits in the presence of Fate is Strength Undefeatable.” Helen Keller
life for me was always the strangest adventure. i loved it , i've never feared it.. i had the courage to do almost everything with my eyes closed. i even never feared death. i know that whatever was written for me will be even if i struggled to change it, so i've slept pleased every night . knowing that i will not miss my chance to anything that is meant for me. i lived my life to the fullest until i met a new term that was somehow strange to me, i never comprehend it fully.. but i do know, i've never feared anything in my life like the way i feared it..
Even then, i've tried so hard to understand it, i've waited for it so long and it did not come to me. i looked for it with not even a clue of if i find it , how it would feel like.. then, i've given up on my romance , i've given up on love.. and i just walked away, and forgotten..
"" The question isn’t, "would you die for Someone", rather "do you have a someone worth dying for" ?? ""
it's not the matter of an unresolved question more than just an answer with a yet not found question. we drag ourselves into pity and sorrow , for we had ourselves submerged deeply a long time ago in self-denial that now we can only feel pity for ourselves , wondering around .. aimlessly , asking all the wrong questions seeking all the wrong answers.
1# it's not what is love really about ? ,more than simply "why love ?"..
some ppl spend all their lives wondering and seeking the answer , of what is love really? . is it a disease that strikes one's heart with no hope for a cure? .. is it a curse to witholds all mankind from thier disteny ? or is it an amulet?.. something so rare so precious , so valuable that even just sneaking half a look at it is a sin . for no mortal is worthy of it's presence .
since i'm writing this down and it's 5 a.m. and i haven't slept yet, then i might as well say that the most fitting answer for most of ppl is what i do really condemn ,, for in my eyes LOVE has rolled over from a side to another , picking picks always on a hurry. for love as many sees it is nothing but a curse , eternal damnation that siezes all man's glory , wrecked the trail we've so long blazed .
it's not the definition of love that will set us back on our trail, it's a question of why do we need it so bad . why do we seek something that we consider to be the curse for all what we've done wrong?
is it that we seek faith in others ?.. that we can no longer be the lone wolf strayed away from the pack?.. that we look to ourselves in the mirror and we can no longer see the resemblance between our past image and what yet to be. we have evolved into something else, more severe and crucial. that we've lived without it for so long , in fact we've lived feeding on the lack of it that we're now have no other choice than to either live implacable on all those who found it , mock them , pity them , predict their miserable ending and then curse them for what they claim they've found , or we can just live in self-abnegation perpetually.
2#
" We go through life thinking someone
else will make us happy... We're wrong.
Happiness is our job, but we do need
someone else to share it with."
i used to think that if i didn't find the "ONE" for me , that i'll die ALONE, filled with grief for the days i spent not caring about finding love. i used to think that i will not find happiness until i find him. but i guess i was wrong. Even if i do find him it's not just his job to make me always happy. Happiness is a mutual Burden that we should seek it ourselves , but we do need somone to share our happiness with us, so that it'll grow forever in our memories printed by those who we choose to love.
"If you think love will never find you than you’re wrong, love finds Everyone. Don't look for love because it will come to you when you least expect it"
3#
To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic.
Alphonse de Lamartine
I've never fell in love with someone just because i knew that he/she will love me in return. Not even a friend, not even my own mother and sister !! but i guess somehow when u really show all the love u bare for those whom you love, it gets contagious.. and they get infected with how much you care about them.
I used to give my self fully for the one i love without looking at the come back. whether a friend, a close relative or even in th case of another heart that i fall to. but still i didnt yet feel the affection of a mutual love that sweeps me off my feet , clings me on the rope of life and then takes everything as it momentarily flashes away and leaves me head-over-heels for someone i barely know..
Even for the love of another heart, i've never got the guts to love for the sake of being loved. i've always loved for the sake of LOVE, i just hope every now and then that maybe someone will do love me for the sake of just ME..
4# The Real Answer..
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
5# "Love does not dominate; it cultivates."
"Falling in love is not an extension of one's limits or boundaries; it is
a partial and temporary collapse of them."
-M Scott Peck
I always felt i was a coward, i feared love like i've never feared anything else. i thought of it as the plague that takes away my freedom, the act that dictates overall domination on every single thing i do or want. i thought love means limiting myself or my desires to please whom i fall for. But then , i have partially been in love.. For me , a small crush is like one tenth of the real deal, may be even a hundred times smaller. then, if i did fall that strong for a crush , then what if someone loved me back with an even times hundreds of the affect of that. wouldn't he want the same for me.
To love without leaving yourself to submerge in it wholly is just an impalpable feeling of disoriented emotions of every flavor and what contradicts it. you have to throw yourself in it fully with your own will, to feel those limits that holds you to your grounds parishes partially and then flashes back just like the snap of a finger..
6# "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it"
jalal ad-din rumi
i've built a thousands of barriers so i wont feel the real love. maybe i feared if i tasted something so powerful that in the lack of it i'll become addicted and destroy all of me just to have a little more. i feared it's power , i feared it'll control me and take all of my pride. And my pride for me is my essence . without it i'm just a hollow stalk the shrivels with the wind. Love for me was a destructive tool that i built so many walls to hold it out of my heart. but i guess when you live so long without it you kind of destroy what ever good left in you with your own hands. that was when i found that love had never ABANDONED me , i ABANDONED myself.. and it's time for me to find and seek all the barriers that i have built against it.
7# The Love of Another Heart..
It's not the same as loving someone you're related to. not even the same as loving a friend with pure intentions. It's the hardest part of all Love's Levels. It's like you're both on a journey to discover the real thing about love.
At first, you'll have to conquer something that was planted into the soul of every human being .. At first, you'll have to conquer your self-centering and egoism . you'll have to forget all about you and think only about" WHAT IF ?".After that, all what you've ever heard or have been told about anything in the materiality of life wont be the same, ever. all the rules of life , gravity , sensation, every single rule just does not apply. you'll see life with a whole different prospective. you're heart beats wont be stable and your vision will blur every time you notice him/her or even what seems to be a trace of him/her . and that's the tricky part.. you'll never KNOW your in love , sometimes you'll even deny it. but you'll always look like a fool because the symptoms will be so obvious for those who knows where to look and how. It wont make anysense t you cause suddenly it'll all depends on the other part. your personality will change and your confidant about yourself will fade away with his smile. it'll be like his presence nourishes your own, and without him/her .. your just a shade!!
you'll feed on nothing but on seeking his trace . it'll make you mad, until you get the hang of things and stop denying that you fell down very hard, very fast..
and the only thing that'll save you before u reach the ground is if you made him/her love u in return, until then he/she'll be the air you breath , the romance that you thought u never had in you, and the beating to your mute heart.
""love is gaving some1 the ability to distroy you , and trust him enough that he's not going to""
To love a person is to feel his presence prevailing your own, without erasing your existence.. it's not about being completely different that you'll find nothing in common or exactly the same that you'll get bored . it's about making your existence be COMPLETEd by his/her own.it's like the end of his/her gaze is your limits, you cannot feel the ground anywhere out. it's like the lines of his/her chest defines your life.. like you've been created to be there.. to stay there.. to die there.
it's like the stretch lines to his/her lips , were the reason you took your first breath in the first place and to feel his'her palms with your fingertips could just make you run mad with your heart bursting out of your chest. it's like holding his/her hands is the one and only cure for your aching heart..It's like he/she's the key to your EXISTENCE.. He/she's your home, your protection , your long lost feeling of SECURE. Your strong independent character shouts out of agony if your pride ever comes in the way of your love and need to him/her. and if you ever felt falling real hard , real fast..you'll trust that he/she will be always the wings that'll carry you to the safe side.
8# CLOSURE
"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."
###i was ABANDONED, and now i'm FOUND###
my favorite way of describing love is a quote from a movie called "Music From Another Room":
[On what love is like]: You know how when youre listening to music playing from another room? And youre singing along because its a tune that you really love? When a door closes or a train passes so you cant hear the music anymore, but you sing along anyway... then, no matter how much time passes, when you hear the music again youre still in exact same time with it. Thats what its like.
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